DEAD LIKE THE ROSES
I sat there on the concrete, tears being held at bay. I stare into the nook in the building. It is filled with rose bushed of all kinds but one wouldn’t know it by walking by now. There were only five flowers on one bush. The rest were not in bloom. They appeared dead. ‘Just like him’ I thought. The tears overwhelmed me and started pouring over the edge. This was our spot, the place we came just to be together. *** “Keep them closed.” He said softly into my ear. I smiled and a giggle escaped my lips. “Where are we going?” I asked, still laughing softly. “You’ll see.” He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “Jesse!” I put my hands up to his hands which were over my eyes while we were walking to who knows where. “No peeking!” He laughed and I put my hands back by my sides. After what seemed like forever, which was in fact less than a minute, he stopped. “Can I look now?” I tried to sound annoyed but the laughter escaped into my voice. He pulled down his hands from my eyes, “Okay, open them.” I opened my eyes to see hundreds of the most gorgeous flowers I had ever seen. There were roses littering the entire ground in front of me. We stood in front of a cubby hole in a building. Inside, leaves of vines scattered the ground. There was a beautiful tree in the back where vines climbed up its massive trunk. It split into four parts and the vines continued up to the leaves where the wind blew lazily. My mouth opened in shock and wonder and soon turned into possibly one of the goofiest faces of all time and I knew it, yet I couldn’t bring myself to care. He was here with me and I couldn’t ask for more. ***  I closed my eyes just to further enhance my memories of him. It was as if I could still hear his laughter ring out in the wind as it brushed through the leaves of the tree and vines. ***I followed him into the nook in the buildings exterior once again wearing my goofy grin I seemed to always have here with him. He stopped underneath the tree and turned towards me. He looked nervous about something but he stayed quiet and so did I. Then he went down on one knee and I gasped because I knew what was coming. “Inara, I have a question for you.” I just nodded, not trusting my mouth to form words. He just smiled up at me and continued. “Would you marry me?” Once again I don’t trust my mouth so I nod as tears start to fall down my face. He pulls out a ring and slips it onto my finger before wrapping his arms around me in a huge hug. “Nothing would make me happier.” I finally whisper in his ear once I have found my voice. Before I knew what was happening, my feet were off the ground and I was being swung in circles still encased in his bear hug. That was when I knew my life couldn’t get any better. *** I smiled at the fond memory as it drifted through my head but like him, it left and I was left feeling incomplete and heartbroken. ***We sat underneath the tree, on the vines of leaves. He had told me he wanted to tell me something but he had to do it here. I had smiled and we had taken the small trip to our private getaway. He had seemed quiet today but nothing too bad. What really bothered me now was the fact that as he drove, I could see tears start to run down his cheeks. “Honey, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Fear shook my voice even as I tried to hold it steady. He didn’t reply but kept his eyes focused straight ahead on the road. We made our way to our place and he sat down with his back against the tree, his legs slightly apart. He patted the ground in between his legs, motioning that I was to sit there. I hesitated faintly but gave in and sat down, resting my back against his chest. I could feel the steady rhythm of his heart through his thin T-shirt and I could feel each breath he took as his chest rose and fell. We just sat there for a moment, neither saying a word. I waited for him because I knew that’s what he needed even if it wasn’t what I wanted. “I have to tell you something.” He started out, awkward, like the first day I had met him. “Umm, you know I went to the doctor a couple days ago?” I nod against his chest, staying verbally silent. “Well, I got a call from them yesterday for me to go in and see him again. I don’t… I mean…” He broke off and I could feel the tremors in his body shake him to the very core. I turned to find the expected, tears trailed down his face, his eyes shut. “Baby, what is it? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” He opened his eyes and I could see all the hurt laced there. “I have a brain tumor. They said I have about a month.” My mouth opened in horror and shock. No this couldn’t be right, it couldn’t be. He wasn’t supposed to die. This happened to other people, not us. We were normal. And with that I broke down sobbing, clutching to him tightly, afraid to let go. *** ‘Not so happy of a memory there.’ Images kept running through my head. His last few weeks had been rough. The hospital visits were almost a daily routine. Arrangements were made, families called, and tears shed. Then the last memory came. The one I wished I could erase from existence; from his and mine. ***He sat against the tree with me pulled to his chest, much like the same way we had been on the day he had told me about this whole nightmare. I could feel every breath on my back, every beat of his heart with mine. I leaned my head back and caught a soft kiss on his lips. He smiled against my lips and I pulled back just enough to talk. “I love you.” I whispered against his lips. “I know I love you too; more than anything. Always remember that no matter what; I love you.” His eyes drifted closed and his head fell back against the tree. His breathing became relaxed, almost as if he had drifted asleep. Then it stopped altogether. “Jesse?” I knew what had happened but I didn’t want to believe it, couldn’t believe it. “Jesse!?” I pulled away from him and turned to face him. He was slumped against the tree, chest unmoving, eyes closed in peace. I pulled him to me and sobbed into his shoulder and held to him as if I could bring him back with my tears, but tears wouldn’t help him. Nothing could. *** Now as I sit here, the roses are gone. All but five and even those are leaving. All that’s left is the stems of thorns, the hurt and pain of what used to be there. There is a spider web attached between the left wall and a branch of the tree. It sparkled in the fading sunlight and it reminded me of the way his eyes had sparkled just for me. The sun if setting quickly now, casting shadows over all the wonderful scenery here. It was our place, ours. I wouldn’t be coming back, but it wouldn’t hurt to just sit here for a few more minutes. I lay my head down on the concrete, continuing to stare at the spot where my life had taken place. Tears fell freely but I didn’t care anymore. I was alone, the roses had left, the light had left, and he was gone. The roses had gone but they would return, just as I would return to his loving arms one day.